Originally meaning “failing or defect,” the opposite of virtue, vice has come to mean “bad habit.” The play on words in the title for this blog is fully intentional to try to draw attention to the distinction between the two. Some say an addiction is the same as a vice. Maybe it’s only a nuance, but I see a difference between them. That is, a vice is the subject of addiction, while addiction refers to the underlying biochemical and psychological processes at work that consistently drive the person to the vice as a coping skill. Yes, addiction is a coping skill–not a very good one, but a coping skill nonetheless.
Addiction is one of those interesting things that people have been trying to understand since there was ever a thing to which to be addicted. The problem with this is that addiction is not something that can be understood from a rational, logical, intellectual perspective. Addiction is an emotional creature. The types of addiction are many, but the bottom line wisdom on this comes from The Good Book: “…a person is a slave of anything that has conquered him.” 2 Peter 2:19
Humans can be addicted to just about anything. The substances of addiction are numerous: alcohol, gaming, sex, drugs, pornography, shopping, eating, gambling, thrill-seeking, drama, self-loathing…the list goes on. Regardless of the vice, it’s all about coping via escapism: How can I get some reprieve from my life? How can I get away, forget about what’s going on in my world?
Recovery from addiction is tricky because the addict has to reach his or her own personal rock bottom. What feels like rock bottom to some–significant financial losses, health issues, divorce, estrangement from loved ones–may not be rock bottom to others.
The goal in the treatment of addiction is to replace this maladaptive coping skill with another or other healthier, more adaptive options. In my practice, this starts with an investigation of the underlying drive behind the addiction. I find that once people understand their addiction better, they are better equipped to fight it. That is, if they can see where the addiction comes from and why they’re driven to cope in a poor way, they can work on the underlying issues to decrease the drive. Here’s an example: Without fail, the men I have seen in my office who are addicted to pornography have issues with women that can be traced back to their mothers. Usually, these men grew up with a controlling mother, but there are also some addicted men who grew up with very passive, submissive mothers. This poor choice of a coping mechanism is not mom’s fault, but knowing this alerts me to what we need to work on.We will do some things to tackle the addiction directly in the present (see the list of options below) but also work to understand and work through past issues driving that behavior in the present. This may mean reprocessing or confronting past issues with mom and most definitely means creating new, more positive experiences with women in the present.
As a patient is exploring the underpinnings, there are many ways to fight the temptation that drives the addiction. The list below, albeit nowhere near exhaustive, covers several options.
- Pray.
- Distract yourself. Research has shown that if you can distract yourself for 90 seconds, you can stave off most cravings for a time. Now, you may have to do this every hour in the beginning, but practice makes perfect!
- Exercise.
- Read.
- Check your e-mail.
- Look for a recipe for something new for dinner.
- Call someone.
- Do something relaxing. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, imagery and yoga are a few options.
- Write.
- Clean something.
- Draw.
- Sing.
- Work on the laundry.
- Avoid triggers. In the obvious case, a recovering alcoholic shouldn’t go to a bar. Less obvious, if you typically smoke on the back patio, remove your smoking materials from that area and avoid that area as best you can for a time.
Whatever you choose to do instead of escaping, it should be a healthy, life-generating behavior. It won’t be easy to change, but it will be worth it. And, remember, practice makes perfect.
