1st ATAQ: Why do some people create drama in their lives?
Everyone has at least one in his or her life. That person who is just “drama” and creates it wherever he or she goes. We are all familiar with the phrase “drama queen,” but I’ve found that there are also plenty of “drama kings” out there. I use the word “dramamonger” to refer to anyone who deals in drama. So, what compels a person to behave this way? The answers are many:
- It’s what they know. In its familiarity and predictability, it becomes comfortable: there is comfort in discomfort. This may seem odd, but these people often grew up in dramatic, tumultuous, chaotic or even traumatic environments and have come to operate this way. Some have learned fighting = passion = love.
- The ruckus keeps them from taking an honest look at themselves. By reacting so intensely, they may succeed in shutting others down, shirking responsibility and accountability.
- It’s a way to draw attention to themselves. If a person is starved for attention, love, affection and so on, he may create intensity to get these things. The subconscious premise at work is that bad attention is better than no attention at all.
- They gain a sense of accomplishment when they conquer the drama. This can influence self-esteem in a positive way. For some, this is an effort to recapitulate and master the drama that occurred at some point earlier in their lives.
- It keeps them stuck in the victim role. The theory is that this will draw attention and caregiving of some sort, even pity at times. The hope is this: If I’m a victim, people will feel sorry for me and care for or nurture me.
- It keeps others’ expectations low. The subconscious idea at work is that if I keep chaos in my life, no one will expect anything from me. If there are no expectations of me, I can’t fail or let anyone down.
The good news is that there is hope for dramamongers once they realize that they are the common denominator in all of their failed relationships. Firm yet compassionate boundaries from loved ones and friends plus a good course of therapy can yield great rewards. In working with these individuals, I have found they are often very relieved to learn that there is another way to live and maintain relationships. A great deal of the work in therapy, then, has to do with improving self-esteem. Once there is a basic confidence established, the individual can go out and practice the new ways of living, starting with small efforts.
For the complete article with more details, examples, and recovery ideas, click on the article title below. If you or someone you know is struggling with this or another psychological issue, help is available. Talk to your insurer about available options under your plan. For more information on teletherapy sessions with me, visit www.doctorbellingrodt.com.
TOMORROW’S ATAQ: How can I help my child be successful in school when he is feeling overwhelmed and having trouble staying on task?
A couple currently in the queue…
…How do I set boundaries with an inappropriate family member?
…Should parents force a kid to stay involved in an activity if the parents think the kid wants to quit for the wrong reason?
What issue do you want to ATAQ? Message me privately with your question.
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