Last night, I watched White Fang with the kids. It was a really good movie. I’m sure many of you have read the original book by Jack London. For those who haven’t, I won’t spoil it for you, but the main character is a “wolfdog” that has three very different owners across his life. What I found interesting was the relative ease with which his personality changed from good to bad to good, depending on his owner at the time.
Taken with a mom in my office just this week telling me how her daughter has no friends because she’s so negative, the movie got me to thinking about how our perceptions, outlook and even personality are so influenced by our surroundings, the situations and people in our lives. I then started to wonder, “When we change like chameleons based on our surroundings, what are the consequences?” Of course, the answers to my question are many and include both good and bad, positive and negative.
The question I have for you, then, is this: “What are the consequences in your life of changing to fit a certain situation, the wants of others, the ways of those around you and so on?” I invite you to take a look inside and ask yourself some questions:
- Are the changes I make positive or negative?
- Do the changes I make serve me personally in a good way or are they done just for the benefit of others?
- What kind of energy do I carry around with me? Do I feel down more often than not?
- What kind of vibes do I put off to others? Am I more like a ray of sunshine or a dark cloud when I’m with people?
- If I could step outside myself, how would I describe me?
- How would I describe the people in my life to someone else? Do they build me up, encourage me, support me; or are they negative people who bring me down or surround me with cynicism?
If most of your answers are in the wrong direction, it’s time for a change. Just what those changes will look like varies across individuals. It’s very possible that some of the changes you’ve made as a function of being around others are good, they’ve made you happier or made you a better person in some way. There’s a reason for every person ever placed in your life. Oftentimes, God puts people in our lives to show us how we can be better, grow or learn in some way or another. Other times, people in our path are there to remind us how not to be. And, sometimes, people are in our lives to remind us of old ways to which we don’t want to return, to remind us to be grateful or power on with the changes we’re making.
The bottom line is that you should feel good about who you are whether you are by yourself, with one person or with 20 people. The ways to get to that feeling are numerous. You may need to:
- Eliminate toxic people from your life.
- Learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.
- Decrease the demands on your time that stress you out and make you an unhappy or even angry person.
- Stop changing in ways you don’t like or for people who are not your priority.
- Be yourself, tried and true.
- Set boundaries with those close to you.
- Cut loose now and then.
It’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff. Take the good and leave the bad behind. Ultimately, you want to ensure that your thoughts and behavior align with your personal priorities and goals. To help sort all of these things out, it may be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member, member of the clergy or therapist. These people can help you take an honest look at yourself and see where you can make changes that best align with what you want in your life.
For more on boundaries and setting limits, check out my YouTube channel, Mend Your Mind. If you or someone you know is struggling with this or another psychological issue, help is available. Talk to your insurer about available options under your plan. For more information on teletherapy sessions with me, visit the FAQs section at www.doctorbellingrodt.com.
DISCLAIMER: Material on this site is for informational purposes only. The content of this site is not intended to be a substitute for evaluation or treatment by a licensed professional. Information contained on this site should not be used to diagnose or treat a mental health issue without consulting a qualified provider. The use of this website does not convey any doctor-patient relationship. All material is the intellectual property of Jennifer Bellingrodt, Psy.D. The material is copyrighted and may only be reproduced with the express written permission of Dr. Bellingrodt.
