Many people have asked me about the differences between dependence, codependence and interdependence. I once came across a picture of various Saguaro cacti that depicted this beautifully, but I can't seem to find it anymore. So, I'll try to describe it here. Dependence, codependence and interdependence Dependence is a state in which one person relies on another for support in some … [Read more...]
Assertiveness
October 11, 2011 by
There are many aspects to assertiveness training. First and foremost, assertiveness is not to be confused with aggressiveness. I say that being assertive splits the difference between being passive and being aggressive. Being assertive simply means standing up for yourself, not in a rude, mean or domineering way but, rather, in a calm, direct way. When we are not assertive, we often allow … [Read more...]
Patterns
October 3, 2011 by
Patterns are all around us, in both nature and human nature. When we are not naive to them, they can show us beauty or a master plan, they can help us discern whether to be in relationship with a given person, they can help us see whether we need to make behavioral or perceptual changes and so on. When talking to people about looking for patterns in the behavior of others, I take a little … [Read more...]
Self-Esteem
September 26, 2011 by
Self-esteem is created from early experiences. Children see themselves reflected in the actions and words of significant people in their lives. This starts at birth with caregivers and continues to develop in response to relatives, friends, coaches and educators. Girls, in particular, get a great deal of their self-esteem from their fathers, largely because this relationship is a model for how … [Read more...]
Perfectionism
September 18, 2011 by
If true evil does exist, one of its forms is perfectionism. Ingrained early, perfectionism is time-consuming, exhausting and frequently counter-productive. It is self-destructive, causes a great deal of angst and is a set up for failure. Perfectionistic tendencies can make even simple tasks seem daunting. Complex tasks, then, can create a feeling of being overwhelmed. This overwhelm can … [Read more...]
Addiction and Its Vices
September 11, 2011 by
Originally meaning "failing or defect," the opposite of virtue, vice has come to mean "bad habit." The play on words in the title for this blog is fully intentional to try to draw attention to the distinction between the two. Some say an addiction is the same as a vice. Maybe it’s only a nuance, but I see a difference between them. That is, a vice is the subject of addiction, while addiction … [Read more...]
Dramamongers
September 6, 2011 by
Everyone has at least one in his or her life. That person who is just "drama" and creates it wherever he or she goes. We are all familiar with the phrase "drama queen," but I've found that there are also plenty of "drama kings" out there. Hence, the word dramamonger in the title, i.e. someone who deals in drama. There are many reasons that a person deals in drama. For some people, it's what they … [Read more...]
Boundaries
August 27, 2011 by
Everyone needs boundaries. Boundaries are the limits you set in your life to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Boundaries require assertiveness and the recognition of one's own emotional and psychological limits. Some people confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness and, as a result, don't set the boundaries they need to take care of or even protect themselves. Many people, in fact, … [Read more...]
Everything Happens for a Reason
August 21, 2011 by
We find joy in knowing that good things happen to good people. What is more difficult to swallow is knowing that bad things also happen to good people. As a Christian, I believe that God is in control of everything. Most believers have little trouble acknowledging that God creates good in their lives. Some of those same believers, though, do not believe that he has a role in the bad things that … [Read more...]
Perception is Reality
August 15, 2011 by
Anais Nin, a writer and diarist who lived from 1903 to 1977, said, "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Call it "selective seeing," but each man's perception is that man's reality. In a sense, that's what makes the world go 'round. This can be problematic in our relationships and life in general, though, if that perception contradicts another's with whom we have to … [Read more...]
