If true evil does exist, one of its forms is perfectionism. Ingrained early, perfectionism is time-consuming, exhausting and frequently counter-productive. It is self-destructive, causes a great deal of angst and is a set up for failure.
Perfectionistic tendencies can make even simple tasks seem daunting. Complex tasks, then, can create a feeling of being overwhelmed. This overwhelm can quickly lead to procrastination, and we all know the potential negative consequences of that. One of the worst of those is a feeling of paralysis. This can take a number of forms: denial or avoidance, fear of failure, feeling that you don’t know where to start or giving up entirely.
Perfectionistic tendencies are formed in childhood due to high expectations or pressure–either explicit or implicit–from significant people in a child’s life, that becomes an inherent part of the child. This could include parents or other relatives, teachers and caregivers. There is hope, though, in that a person with some insight and determination can overcome these tendencies and learn to create more realistic and achievable expectations.
To overcome perfectionism, as is true of most things, you have to recognize the problems it creates. You have to see the way it causes you to fret and worry, makes even simple tasks take much longer than they need to and often ends up, ironically, in a substandard product.
- Causes fret and worry: Since perfect doesn’t exist other than in Christ, perfectionism will cause a constant feeling that a product is not good enough. This will lead to incessant worry about how to make it better.
- Makes simple tasks time-consuming: Because of the doing and redoing that perfectionism requires, even the smallest of tasks can take hours or even days. This, in turn, can create greater stress if you are also worried about meeting a deadline.
- Ends up in a substandard product: Because of the time-consuming nature of perfectionism, you may come down to the wire with a given project. In the end, then, this results in harried efforts to get the project completed. As the old adage goes, haste makes waste. What a self-defeating mess!
How do you conquer perfectionism then? The first thing to do once you recognize perfectionistic thoughts is to work to reframe them in a more realistic way. This includes looking at the evidence against the idea that you need to–or even can be!–perfect in the first place. It may also involve asking yourself: What’s the worst possible outcome if I don’t do this perfectly? Remember, there will always be someone bigger, better, faster, smarter, richer, etc. This is the reality of life and is actually a relief when you think about it–I CAN’T be perfect, so I can cut myself some slack!
The ways to combat perfectionistic tendencies are many. Here are a few to get you started:
- Start early. Give yourself plenty of time to complete a given project.
- With that early start, break down the project into small, manageable parts or goals.
- Allot a specified amount of time each day to the project. Saying, “I’ll just work until I get this part done” can result in feelings of anxiety as you try to finish before bedtime and feelings of failure when you don’t finish the same day you start.
- As perfectionistic thoughts creep in, counteract them with positive self-talk and the reframing described above. The more you let go of these tendencies, the quicker you will see that you can do a great job without perfection. In turn, it will become easier and easier to let go of the tendencies. As you grow more confident in your imperfect abilities, you will actually accomplish more. This becomes a positive self-feeding cycle. As Rosalynn Carter says, “Once you accept the fact that you’re not perfect, then you develop some confidence.”
- Do an after action review. When your project is done, take an honest look at how well it turned out without being perfect. Re-evaluate your timeline to see if you need to make adjustments in the future.
- Celebrate your victory over perfectionism. Reward yourself in some way to further increase your desire for imperfection.
One other note about perfectionism…When you are a perfectionist and hold yourself to unattainable standards, you will hold others to the same ridiculous standards, even if you don’t intend to do so. This may be a fully conscious process for some people and some standards but a largely subconscious process for others. It’s true that each of us is our own worst critic, but perfectionists are highly critical of others as well. It’s very hard to check that at the door when dealing with others. This can cause a tremendous amount of frustration for the perfectionist, and this can result in resentment, anger, passive-aggressive behavior, overwhelm, irritability and agitation, to name a few! Bill Lemley advises: “When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick.”
At the end of the day, you have to recognize that perfectionism is both illusory and elusive. This will empower you to live a more productive, fuller life. For more on overcoming perfectionism, check out When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough by Martin M. Antony, Ph.D., and Richard P. Swinson, M.D.
