My family just buried the most amazing man I have ever known: my Papa. My grandfather was 91 years old and led a life of impact. Among many other things, he fought for his country in World War II, he was active in the local church, he was the mayor of our Texas farm town, he was a hardworking small business owner and he never met a stranger. I know he had his faults, but I’m pretty sure he was about as close to perfect as God let’s us get in this life.
Throughout the visitation, funeral and reception, countless people told us how he had touched their lives in positive ways. One of his doctors even came to our tiny town to attend his funeral. That just doesn’t happen nowadays. The nurses at the various facilities he stayed for the last few weeks of his life thought he was just great. They soon called him “Papa,” and one of them said he was a joy to care for and brightened her day. Another said that she couldn’t wait to get to work every morning and see what he had to say. He always greeted them politely, even when he was at his worst, and would razz and joke with them daily.
Not by accident, while we were home for the funeral, my siblings showed me a video from the Dr. Phil show of a gal named Danielle Bregoli. She is a sassy and unruly 13 year old girl in Florida who has spent a lot of time running the streets and is obviously in significant psychological pain. Her dad is not in the picture, and she lives with her mom, with whom she has a tumultuous relationship, to put it mildly. She has stolen from her mom multiple times, physically attacked her, framed her for drug use and run away from home frequently. Her mom is intense and clearly part of the problem but has presumably tried her best.
Danielle’s mom says that her daughter’s change from an angelic child to the troubled teen she is today happened virtually overnight. Her mom had breast cancer twice when Danielle was younger, and I suspect that’s where the trouble began, but that’s just a guess. She clearly loves her mom and has come to her physical defense at least once in the not too distant past. I imagine Danielle was more than overwhelmed by the feared loss, having lost her dad previously, and likely didn’t adjust well. She reportedly nursed her mom back to health, which is amazing but difficult, I’m certain.
The list of Danielle’s offenses is lengthy, and she even stole the car of one of Dr. Phil’s producers who went to her house. This young lady has now become famous, or rather, infamous, for her behavior on the show and particularly for her statement, “Cash me ousside. How ‘bow dah?” She has accumulated an army of haters, which is ridiculous, including several people who’ve told her to kill herself. I can’t even imagine saying that to another adult, let alone a teenage girl who is obviously suffering. Those judgments come from ignorance, once again. The girl needs help, not hate. No, her chosen lifestyle is not idyllic, but we still don’t get to judge her. Remember that old book? You know, the BIBLE!
Some will call me a masochist, but I would absolutely love to work with Danielle. At the end of the show, it appears some reality washed over her and she became despondent for a brief time. As the show closed, she did agree to get help vs. facing multiple felony charges, but it’s unclear just how much she’s changed at this point. The worst part of it? Our culture so reinforces disrespectful and crass behavior such as hers, that she’s now made a ton of money, garnering five figures for appearances, and has been offered a reality show. On a positive note, she and her mom have both made reference to an anti-bullying campaign due to what Danielle’s endured online. I’m really hoping that she moves in this direction vs. the path of destruction she seems to have been on in recent history.
All of this got me to thinking, “What are the differences between people’s thoughts about my Papa vs. those about Danielle? What particular characteristics made my Papa so great in the eyes of his family, friends and pretty much anyone else he came in contact with? What is it that makes for a good person? A positive legacy? And what is it exactly that people so loathe about Danielle Bregoli?”
I suppose the answers to these questions are very subjective, but when I think of my Papa, he was a true role model. He was Godly, wise, kind and generous, open-minded and non-judgmental, honest, loving and compassionate, driven yet humble, strong yet sensitive and maintained a good sense of humor no matter what. I guess it really comes down to how he treated others and how he handled the tough times. I suppose what gets people up in arms about Danielle is just that: how she treats others and how she’s handled the adversity in her life. Fortunately for her, she is young and has plenty of time to turn her life around. After all, what is a legacy without a story of overcoming? Come as it has, she is actually in a position of influence at this point, and I’m really praying she takes this opportunity to do something beautiful with herself and her money.
So, here’s the invitation for you: Ask yourself, “What kind of legacy am I building?” Take some time to really think about this—it’s important. What kind of person are you? How do you treat others? How do you behave when the going gets tough? Based on these things, what will people say about you when you’re gone? What adjectives will they use to describe you? Jot down a few descriptors you’d like people to use in referring to you when that day comes. Then, work at being those things. If you’re not sure, take a few hints from my Papa.
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