“Mommy Is the Murderer!”

January 11, 2017 by

“Mommy Is the Murderer!”

If I told you that I said these words tonight to my husband and children at the dinner table, you would either be (hopefully) shocked and/or think I had gone insane. Well, I did say these exact words tonight after my chosen character in the game of Clue, Miss Scarlet, was found to be the one who murdered Mr. Boddy in the library with a rope. Once it became clear that Miss Scarlet was the culprit, my son started saying “Mommy” instead of Miss Scarlet. When my husband made the appropriate accusation at the end of the game, I uttered those words with a big smile on my face (wait, maybe I shouldn’t say that part :/ ). My husband then made a comment about keeping an eye on Mommy if she ever has a rope in her hand, and we all had a laugh.

 
As I was lying in bed with my son after the game, I got to thinking about context and how important it is in communication. I was thinking how horrifying it would seem to someone on the outside who heard me say those words and didn’t know the context in which they were spoken. That, in turn, reminded me of a lesson I learned long ago and thought I’d share: Generally, when someone makes a bold, surprising or outlandish statement about someone else, you should suspend your judgment and remember at least 3 things:
 
(1) You likely do not have the full context of the other person’s alleged words,
(2) Words are subject to the interpretation of the listener and
(3) There are three sides to every story–yours, mine and the truth.
 
As you might imagine, I have heard all kinds of things in my office over the years. (It’s a good thing walls don’t talk!) As an example of #1, if I told you that I’ve had people in my office who have prayed for the death of a close, beloved family member, you might be shocked. These are not evil or sadistic people. Rather, their prayers were about relief for long-suffering family members with terrible diseases, tremendous pain and/or very decrepit bodies.
 
In regards to #2, I’ve seen many people who interpreted a parent’s words in a very detrimental way over many years. When they finally get that family member into my office with them and address the issue, they very often leave with a VERY different understanding of the original words. In these situations, I’ve seen incredible healing occur after just one session.
 
One of the situations in which #3 is particularly obvious is in marital therapy. At times, the stories of husband and wife are so incredibly different that it seems they are reporting on two entirely different incidents. More than once, I’ve suggested to couples that they record certain of their conversations so that we can weed through them in the next session!
 
So, the next time you hear a bold statement from someone, don’t jump to conclusions. Remember that things aren’t always what they seem.
Filed Under: Perception, Relationships