What follows is just a quick snippet on each of these topics. Each one is a discussion unto itself, but I thought I would share the response I recently gave someone. Maybe it will generate additional questions or questions about deeper layers of these topics for you or someone you know. Just shoot me a private message if so.
ATAQ: “How is it possible to lose something if you never had it to begin with? Or even if you did have it? Where and how did it go away? Things like hope, trust, self-esteem, self-worth, acceptance and love. And how do you get them back or get them for what may truly be the first time?”
Many of these things involve personal choices that may or may not always be based in fact. They may also include some degree of pretending or acting “as if” you had them in an effort to truly gain them.
In response to the very first part of the question, let me say, what a GREAT question. That waxes philosophical and is worth a separate discussion on it’s own. The long and short of it was best summed up by one of my favorite hair bands of the 80s, Cinderella, who said, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.” If you don’t know the song or just want to be transported to that magical time known as the 80s, click here. Seriously, watch it just for the hair! The 80s were awesome on so many levels. Who’s with me?!
When it comes to hope, sometimes that is all that keeps people alive. Sometimes it’s all they feel they have: Hope that things will change or improve, that troubles will lessen or disappear or generally just that things can get better, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, however dim or small it may be. You may have to look really hard for it or ask someone to help you find it, but it’s a choice you make based on how you see things. If God still has you here, then you still have a purpose in his eyes, so let that be your source of hope. As stated by Lululemon, “Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how you much you like yourself.” See the self-esteem paragraph below for more on how to improve that.
As for trust, that has to be earned with consistent honesty, reliability, dependability and accountability. If someone betrays your trust, you can forgive them, even give them another shot at it, yet not allow them an infinite number of chances to betray you again. Fool me once…
Regarding self-esteem and self-worth, you may not have had a good foundation for that as a child. The best way to develop it is to practice. Take small opportunities to assertively (not aggressively) stand up for yourself, even if you don’t feel as confident as you’re portraying. If you’re feeling depressed related to this area, get up each day and get moving. Get endorphins with a little bit of exercise, shower, do your hair, get dressed and put on a little make up, even if you have nowhere to go that day. That’s the fake it till you make it stuff I’ve mentioned. Create a schedule so that you feel like you have some control over your environment. The more control we have, the more confident we feel. With each success, you will feel more confident and be more likely to try again, and it becomes a self-feeding cycle. You can also go on my website under the resources tab and find some things that can help in the journey. One of those is a self-esteem workbook. Set your intention to do one chapter per day. Put it in your schedule. When you’re down, remember that there have been times when you were more confident than you currently feel, so you know it’s within you! That’s an opportunity for hope.
As for acceptance from others, you have that far more than you think. You are your own worst critic. Sometimes you may sabotage yourself or set yourself up for failure, but you are accepted more than you realize. Of course, that has to do with how you feel about yourself, as discussed above in the self-esteem paragraph.
Last, but certainly not least, love is often something that develops over time and based on a number of different factors. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Cor 13:13 Once you are in a long-term, committed, loving relationship, your love may have peaks and valleys, but the undercurrent of it is always there. (This is different from being “in love” or even “liking” someone.) I believe that trust is the foundation of love, actually. That is, how can I give you my heart if I can’t trust you with it?
If you or someone you know is struggling with a psychological issue, help is available. Talk to your insurer about available options under your plan. For more articles, as well as information on teletherapy sessions with me, visit www.DoctorBellingrodt.com.
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