Recent events and a friend’s very powerful post have me thinking a lot about empowering our girls to become women. We can protest, we can share feministic ideals, we can proudly declare our femininity, but what are we really doing on the ground level to teach our girls how to become strong, independent women who are respected, valued and taken seriously?
Here are just a few of the things I hope to convey to my daughter. I just pray that I have the grace to teach her these lessons and that she has the willingness to learn them from me.
Dear Piper,
You are my favorite girl in the world, and I love you “infinity.” There are so many things in this life that I want you to learn, and I will do my best to teach them to you. I want you to become a strong, independent woman who is respected, valued and taken seriously. Here are some things I’ve learned over the years that I think will help.
Dress appropriately and respectfully if you want to be taken seriously. Get attention and validation for things that matter—your faith, your kindness, your intelligence, your grace, your open-mindedness, your sense of humor, your creativity, your compassion—vs. things only skin deep that can fade or even disappear one day. Gravity can be ugly, but you never have to be.
Be assertive. Walk with pride, and keep your chin up. Stand up for yourself. You have every right to be seen and heard as the next person. People often don’t know what you want, so you have to tell them. If you ever feel you are being treated unfairly, speak up. We are all equal, so don’t let anyone treat you—or tell you—differently. The ground is level at the foot of the cross.
Make like a pachyderm and develop a thick skin. Don’t let the words and actions of others mean more than they should. In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Do what you love, what you want to do, not what the world or anyone in it says you “should” do. You serve only one master: God. Pursue what you want to do with passion and love. And remember that we have the opportunity to serve God and demonstrate his love in everything we do. Be the light.
Accept criticism with grace. Nobody’s perfect, so there’s always room for improvement. If it’s constructive, listen to it and see how you can make changes. If it’s destructive, ignore it. Learn the difference between the two.
Command respect. This is not to be confused with demanding respect. Respect is earned, not owed, so blindly demanding it is useless. You command respect by how you carry yourself, how you behave—especially how you treat other people—and the words you say.
Walk softly and carry a big stick. Be confident and powerful while remaining humble and being open to the positive influence of others. Express your gratitude to others frequently.
Do not be defined by a man or your mistakes. In fact, don’t be defined by any one thing. Make sure you can hold your own, take care of yourself without the “need” for another. Take care of yourself, by yourself, for yourself. Figure out your life on your own so that you never feel stuck in someone else’s. Create your own self-definition that is well-rounded and diverse. Choose to learn from your mistakes rather than beat yourself up with them.
Never stop growing, learning and changing. Eat the world whole! Be all you can be. (Mommy learned that one in the army.) Every day—even a bad one—presents a new experience and a ton of opportunities. Every single person God puts in your path is there for a reason. Find it.
No matter what comes your way, remember that you will have a place in my arms until the day I die. My love for you is unconditional. Be strong like a woman.
Always remember that I love you!
Love,
Mommy
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