When we want a child to behave a certain way, one of the best ways to ensure this is by using reinforcement. A schedule of reinforcement indicates whether a behavior will be reinforced after every time it occurs (continuous) or after only some times (intermittent). Each of those frequencies also has 2 possibilities, fixed and variable, resulting in 4 schedules of reinforcement. Of those, the strongest reinforcement schedule is intermittent variable. To better understand this schedule, think about a casino slot machine.
You put your money in, push the button to spin the wheels and rub your lucky rabbit’s foot.
The machine doesn’t pay out, then maybe it does a little, then maybe it doesn’t for quite awhile…
You know there’s a big pay out in there.
You also know that you never know when it’s going to hit.
A small payout here and there keeps you in a state of anticipation.
And you don’t want to miss that big payout or unwittingly give it to “that guy” who will come behind you with a quarter and one spin and win all the money you’ve put in for the past hour and then some.
So you keep playing and playing and playing, being reinforced by the small payouts here and there…
(There’s a reason slot machines have the worst odds in the entire casino, y’all.)
A casino dealer once told me that he knew of more than one little old lady who wet herself because she didn’t want to leave the machine to use the restroom for fear she’d miss that big payout for which she’d been waiting a long time. That’s how compelling the intermittent reinforcement schedule can be. Make it a progressive game, and it becomes even more addictive because you can see the amount of the huge payout taunting you in the LCD display above your head.
When it comes to parenting, using an intermittent schedule of reinforcement in your disciplinary protocol is a particularly bad idea. Here’s how this translates:
You’re in the checkout line at the grocery store, you know, the area of parental torture where the store owners put the candy, gum, lip balm and other child must-haves. (It’s brilliant marketing, really, just like the weight loss-promising and celebrity drama-exposing magazines in the same area that lure adults to read a story that they will buy the magazine to finish reading.)
Your child asks you for M & Ms because he’s forced to stare at them while waiting in line.
You say no because it’s close to lunch time or because there’s candy at home in the pantry or because you’re on a grocery budget that doesn’t include frivolities.
Whatever the reason, your child cares not and continues to ask and ask and ask.
You say no about 16 times but relent out of frustration on time number 17.
What has your child learned? If you ask enough times, you get what you want.
What do you think will happen next time?
Or this…
You render a consequence when your daughter pulls your son’s hair. You do this consistently until one time—because you’re tired or distracted or in public or whatever—you don’t, and your child endures no repercussions for her assaultive behavior.
You’ve just significantly increased the odds that your child will try that behavior again.
Or maybe this…
The house rule is that kids are off of electronics by 6:30 p.m., and that is consistently reinforced until, one night, dinner takes a little longer and you allow the kids to stay on until 7:00.
One night two weeks later, you announce that it’s 6:30 and, therefore, time to turn off screens.
Your son is in the middle of a game on his tablet, and he asks you if he can please stay on “just a little bit longer.”
You say no and remind him that “6:30 is the rule.”
Your kid says, “But you let me do it the other night.”
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what happens next.
Take home message: Using an intermittent variable reinforcement schedule means that children will be more inclined to test you because sometimes you pay out. And children are all about playing the odds. They’re little gamblers at heart.
Also…Specifying “just this once” or “ok, this time I’ll let you” means nothing to children. They’re going to roll the dice on you next time to see if they can get that response again, never mind that you stated previously that it won’t happen again. “It happened once,” they figure, “so maybe it will happen again if I push hard enough.” So begins the crying…and that’s just for the parents!
Fortunately, the antidote for your child’s gambling is simple: Consistency. When you swiftly and consistently render the same consequences for the same bad behavior every time, it decreases the odds that they’ll try again. Notice that I didn’t say it eliminates the odds. That’s because gambling is a difficult compulsion to treat. I’m a psychologist, not a miracle worker.
DISCLAIMER: Blog material is for informational purposes only. Blog content is not intended to be a substitute for evaluation or treatment by a licensed professional. Information contained herein should not be used to diagnose or treat a mental health issue without consulting a qualified provider. This material is copyrighted and may only be reproduced with the permission of Dr. Bellingrodt.
