Take a look at everything going on in the world these days, and it’s difficult to be at peace. What it comes down to is this:
Being at peace is a personal decision.
It’s not necessarily a logical one, but it’s a decision nonetheless. There are several things you can do to find peace within, and I’ll talk about those in a minute. Ultimately, though, it’s a simple decision that gets you there. This is not to be confused with easy. It’s NOT easy, but it is a simple concept.
To better understand this, it might help to look at addiction. Just like with addiction, there are things you can do to explore and work through the issues that drive the addiction, as well as establish adaptive coping skills instead of using the maladaptive coping skill of self-medication. In the end, though, you have to decide to quit. I can teach you all the coping skills in the world, even refer you for a medication evaluation, but you’ll stay addicted if you don’t commit to quit and decide at every temptation to say no.
So, if you think about living outside of peace rather than in it, you could see it as your brain being addicted to thinking a certain way. Here are some ideas on how to change this:
- Take a good look inside and try to figure out where you learned to think so negatively. Talking to a therapist who has a psychodynamic approach can help with this. S/he can help you understand how your life experiences and genetics contribute to your thinking processes. Understanding where your thoughts come from can be a relief in and of itself. People often tell me that understanding how they came to thinking the way they do helps them feel better, feel less “crazy,” have hope and so on.
- Next, you have to find ways to combat this “stinkin’ thinkin’” when it comes in. This will involve cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) concepts that train you to change your thinking, to push the negative thoughts out of your head. You do this by changing your self-talk. When you start thinking negatively, you have to make a conscious effort to replace those thoughts with more positive ones. This can be done in a number of ways.
- First, you can try thinking the exact opposite of what you’re thinking. For example, if you’re thinking that you can’t be at peace because you’re not good enough, tell yourself that you are good enough, that God made you just like He made everyone else you think IS good enough, that you are a good person and that you’ve done many good things in your life. You might even make a list of several of those things to serve as a reminder when your thoughts become derailed in the future.
- Second, you can focus on gratitude. Remind yourself of all the things for which you have to be grateful. Writing these things out and looking back at it from time to time can bring even more peace.
- Third, you can practice something called “thought stopping.” Whenever a negative thought comes in, you picture a stop sign to interrupt that process. You can also say “stop” in your head or aloud. Or, you can wear a rubber band or hair tie on your wrist and flick it gently when a negative thought comes into your head.
Philippians 4:7 gives us this wonderful promise: “The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Verse 6 gives us some context: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” That’s really what gives me peace—knowing that God has it all under control. So, when bad things happen, I find peace in knowing that God is in control. I may not always appreciate his methods or the timeline on which he answers my prayers—sometimes, I literally look to Heaven and say, “Why?!”—but I know He’s got it. The idea that it surpasses understanding speaks to what I said in the beginning, which is that it’s not necessarily a logical decision.
Be aware that the devil will try to keep you in negative thoughts. He’s what you’re combating. For more on this, check out the Spiritual Warfare project I’m doing with Pastor Ryan Nunez. You can find it on my website under the tab by the same name.
If you or someone you know is struggling with this or another psychological issue, help is available. Talk to your insurer about available options under your plan. For more information on teletherapy sessions with me, visit www.doctorbellingrodt.com.
DISCLAIMER: Material on this site is for informational purposes only. The content of this site is not intended to be a substitute for evaluation or treatment by a licensed professional. Information contained on this site should not be used to diagnose or treat a mental health issue without consulting a qualified provider. The use of this website does not convey any doctor-patient relationship. All material is the intellectual property of Jennifer Bellingrodt, Psy.D. The material is copyrighted and may only be reproduced with the express written permission of Dr. Bellingrodt.
