***Spoiler Alert: Important plot elements revealed below.***
A patient of mine recently found out that I’d not seen the movie The Greatest Showman, the story of P.T. Barnum. She couldn’t believe it and thought the message was one I simply MUST know. At her next session, she brought her copy of the movie for me to borrow and urged me to watch it. I’m so glad I did. Thank you.
Regardless of how you may feel about the circus, the story of P.T. Barnum as told in The Greatest Showman is chock full of valuable lessons. I do realize there are some historical inaccuracies in the movie, only some of which I point out below, and that the real story wasn’t always as clean and neat as portrayed in the movie; but that doesn’t diminish the lessons, in my opinion. It’s all about the perspective you choose to take, I guess. Here’s what I took from it.
- The outside says nothing of the inside. In the movie, people who were seen as “freaks” by society were revealed to be good, talented and kind people. Those who judged them harshly by their outsides and dismissed them as less than missed out on their true, beautiful insides. I find that so sad; all because some people couldn’t get over themselves and their ignorance. You shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover; people can surprise you if you let them. Actually, you just shouldn’t judge at all. You don’t get to. You’re not God. Really, though, who would ever want the responsibility of being perfect enough to sit in the judgment seat? I know I’ll never make it—and truly don’t want to.
- All it takes is someone with a different perspective. When Barnum’s father died and Barnum became a homeless orphan, a disfigured woman showed kindness and compassion by feeding him, and he learned not to judge a book by its cover. Later, when everyone else saw “freaks,” Barnum wasn’t afraid, he wasn’t deterred. He knew they were just people inside, like everyone else. In fact, he wanted to show off the people others shunned and ridiculed. He wanted them to display their uniqueness, to come out of hiding. He wanted to help them see their value and not be ashamed.
- It’s all about perception. When a reporter derogatorily referred to Barnum’s act as a “circus,” Barnum turned it around and chose to see it as a positive thing, as a good descriptor, and he took to it. The rest is history.
- Family doesn’t come just from DNA. Family can be found anywhere you choose and sometimes in very unlikely places. Barnum’s performers were devastated when Barnum seemed to be giving up. They had been rejected and demeaned by their families—one of their mothers initially denied to Barnum that she had a son—and they now felt abandoned again by him. They had found acceptance and love in the circus and had become each other’s family.
- You don’t have to suffer in silence. The primary word associated with “freak” in the dictionary is “unusual.” Well, guess what? Unusual doesn’t necessarily mean rare or virtually nonexistent: Barnum found enough “unusual” people to create an entirely new concept. He took a different take on “unusual” and tried to make it less scary, tried to decrease people’s ignorance. Always remember that, on a planet of nearly 7 billion people, there are many just like you, with similar histories, struggles and fears. Don’t be afraid to come forward, to find a connection with other people, to find help.
- Don’t be afraid to go against the grain. Sometimes, that’s how you make an impact. Barnum wasn’t afraid to share his unique ideas, despite protestors, ridicule, insults and other obstacles.
- You don’t have to be alone in this world. If you don’t have a family (or don’t like the one you do have), you can create one out of people you choose and like.
- You should always have a backup plan. P.T. Barnum’s much younger protege, Phillip, was a realist and had his doubts, so he took his 10% salary from the beginning and saved it. He was then able to catch Barnum when he fell. Phillip was not an actual character in the Barnum history, but the lesson is a good one.
- Don’t keep things from your spouse. It doesn’t end well. It’s better to tell the truth and face the issues together than have your spouse find out later and feel hurt, disrespected, betrayed, insignificant and any number of other bad things.
- Dream big! It takes gumption and grit to realize your goals, but life’s too short not to! What do you really have to lose? What’s the worst thing that could happen? If you shoot for the moon and miss, you still land among the stars. Remember, fear is temporary, but regret is forever.
- You don’t have to physically touch someone to hurt them. In the movie, there was an interracial romance between Phillip and a trapeze artist named Anne. Phillip’s wealthy parents very much disapproved of the relationship. In one scene on a set of stairs, Phillip’s parents—both literally and figuratively—look down their noses at Anne and chastise Phillip for being with her. Anne is terribly hurt by their ignorant, racist words and behavior and runs away from Phillip and his parents in the scene. Later, in an attempt to convey her hurt to Phillip, she says, “No one’s ever looked at you the way your parents looked at me.” Interestingly, this lesson was driven home for my son immediately after the movie. He said something unkind to his sister, and he tried to dismiss it when I chastised him and pointed out the potentially hurtful nature of his words, saying, “It’s not like I hit her or something!” I pointed out how Anne was hurt by Philllip’s parents’ despite them never touching her. Instead, she was deeply wounded by the way they looked at her and the things they said to Phillip in front of her. My son had nothing to say, which is rare and means I made my point. I love God’s timing sometimes!
- Sometimes you need to forget “your place.” In the scene I just described, Phillip’s mom told him that being seen with Anne indicated that he’d forgotten his “place” by having a relationship with “the help.” He told her he wanted nothing to do with his “place” if it meant he couldn’t be with whom he chose. Don’t let the world pigeon hole you. Just because you look a certain way, fight certain internal battles or have a certain diagnosis, it doesn’t mean you have to be defined by those things.
- Pay no mind to naysayers. Barnum was told by his future father-in-law that he wouldn’t amount to anything because he was unprivileged. Even when he had great success, that same man told him that success was wasted on him because he was just the lowly son of a tailor. Barnum was undeterred and, as we know, went on to be hugely successful.
- Finally—and most importantly: Learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are. Every one of us has a unique role to play in this life; if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here. Plenty of other souls could be here instead of us. Each of us is different and special in our own ways, and that’s what keeps life interesting. You have to be your own biggest fan and cheerleader and not be so worried about what others think or so influenced by what others say.
If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these or another psychological issue, help is available. Talk to your insurer about available options under your plan. For more information on teletherapy sessions with me, visit the FAQs section at www.doctorbellingrodt.com.
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